Extravertsplaining.

[catsidhe]

I've been sitting on this in a tab for a few days, trying to get my head around how angry it makes me: To get ahead as an introvert, act like an extravert. It’s not as hard as you think.

It's as patronising and supercilious as you'd guess from the title.

Have you tried... not being autistic an introvert?

I'm not really exaggerating, there.

"Nor is it as hard as you may think. Research shows introverts overestimate the unpleasantness and underestimate the “hedonic benefits” of acting extraverted. One study even suggests introverts feel more authentic when acting extraverted."

So... Being introverted is dumb and wrong and you'd feel so much better if you just pretended to be extraverted, because being extraverted is just better. Introverts think there's a downside to pretending to be extraverted, but what would they know?

Which, frankly, sounds like exactly the sort of bullshit that big loud cheerful extraverts have been yelling at introverts for, well, forever. "CHEER UP AND TALK TO PEOPLE AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER! GO TO A PARTY! IT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!"

Then I looked at another open tab, and realised that someone else had already made a better counterpoint. It is:
Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E. and Cassidy, S. (2021), Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. Br J Dev Psychol. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350

Abstract
This article proposes a link between autistic people being misperceived by the neurotypical majority and their being at risk of poor mental health and well‐being. We present a transactional account of development in which the misperceptions (and consequent behaviour) of the neurotypical majority influences the perceptions and behaviour of autistic people such that they become increasingly separate and indeed isolated from mainstream society. This jeopardizes their mental health and prevents autistic people from developing to full potential. The situation is not only problematical for the development of autistic people but is also to the detriment of wider society, in so far as autistic people are effectively prevented from contributing fully. This account assumes that some (not necessarily all) autistic people yearn to be included, to be productive and to be useful. It thus directly opposes accounts that view autism as an extreme case of diminished social motivation.

I think it's worthwhile to quote and add emphasis to this paragraph from the Background:

A further aim is to explore the developmental consequences of this barrier for each group (autistic and neurotypical). Autistic people, who are in the minority, might respond by trying to hide or camouflage their autism‐specific style of social interaction and attempt to emulate the social interaction style of the neurotypical majority (Hull et al, 2019). This strategy could enable a degree of access to neurotypical social experiences and indeed a degree of acceptability therein, but at psychological cost owing to the effort that has to be exerted (Hull et al, 2017), coupled with the stress associated with the risk of being ‘found out’ (Cage & Troxell‐Whitman, 2019). Worryingly, research is identifying a strong association between camouflaging autistic traits, with poor mental health, well‐being, and high rates of suicidal thoughts and behaviours in autistic people (Cassidy et al., 2018; Cassidy et al, 2019). We urgently need to further understand the risks to mental health arising from the stress associated with this camouflaging behaviour, coupled with the sense of isolation, and consequent feelings of loneliness. Our aim is to explore whether such experiences could lead the individual to feel not valued and unwanted, perhaps leading to a fatal outcome if the individual feels they are a burden on society and that the world would be better off without them, with suicide perceived as the only available option.

But no, please, continue to explain to me how all my problems would be solved if I just used all my available resources to desperately pretend to be something I'm not in the hope it will make other people like me better.

No autist has ever thought of that.

Comments

[purpleallison]

I'm NT, but mostly an introvert, and even I find that insulting.

[tcpip]

"Cheer up! Have you tried not being depressed? It's not as hard as you think."

"Calm down! Have you tried not being anxious? It's not as hard as you think."

& etc.