So what now?
Oct. 2nd, 2010 09:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catsidheThat's what everyone has been saying. No, really: everyone.
I think the best answer is a Zen Koan:
I am the same person now as I was this time last week. Modulo one piece of information.
That piece of information turns a long-time suspicion into a fact. It retrospectively makes sense of my life. It means I can stop worrying whether I'm making it up, or jumping on a bandwagon. It tells me that all those years I felt like a Martian trapped on another planet, I more or less was.
For most of my life, my failure to understand the rest of humanity was a failure on my part. I thought that everyone must have been working from the same information I had: I had no reason to believe that I was in any way special. (It's a fairly fundamental principal of logic.) Therefore my failure to make any sense of the data I had was my failure. And, without false modesty, I knew it wasn't because I was stupid. Therefore, it must have been because I was lazy -- because I wasn't trying hard enough.
What this information means is that I didn't have the same information as everyone else, and can't be blamed for the results. GIGO. Indeed, I've done pretty well for an autist.
That's the thing. This information has turned my lifelong failure into an achievement to be proud of. How is that, in itself, not worth the knowing?
So what now?
Hew wood. Draw water.
I think the best answer is a Zen Koan:
Before enlightenment: hew wood, draw water.
After enlightenment: hew wood, draw water.
I am the same person now as I was this time last week. Modulo one piece of information.
That piece of information turns a long-time suspicion into a fact. It retrospectively makes sense of my life. It means I can stop worrying whether I'm making it up, or jumping on a bandwagon. It tells me that all those years I felt like a Martian trapped on another planet, I more or less was.
For most of my life, my failure to understand the rest of humanity was a failure on my part. I thought that everyone must have been working from the same information I had: I had no reason to believe that I was in any way special. (It's a fairly fundamental principal of logic.) Therefore my failure to make any sense of the data I had was my failure. And, without false modesty, I knew it wasn't because I was stupid. Therefore, it must have been because I was lazy -- because I wasn't trying hard enough.
What this information means is that I didn't have the same information as everyone else, and can't be blamed for the results. GIGO. Indeed, I've done pretty well for an autist.
That's the thing. This information has turned my lifelong failure into an achievement to be proud of. How is that, in itself, not worth the knowing?
So what now?
Hew wood. Draw water.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-02 01:23 pm (UTC)I don't recall asking. I do recall saying what I reckoned might result, but I'm not looking at you expectantly at all.
You know now. I know how that feels myself, from a slightly different perspective. I didn't set out to act on what I learned from my testing, but in retrospect, knowing has changed things for the better.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-10-02 10:05 pm (UTC)I tell my family, and two out of three say “What now?”
I tell my workmates, and four out of four ask “What now?”
I say it here, and the majority ask “What now?”
For the most part, independently of each other. I call that a better than evens bet that that is the question on the tip of most tongues.
Maybe it's just a normal reaction. When I told people before that I thought I was an Aspie, they would usually as “what does that mean for you?” Maybe this is just the normal reaction to a statement to which they don't know what else to say.
In which case I would expect you to be abnormal... :)