It sounds like a marathon version of how I felt before my first ever migraine. I felt as though there was a hole through which all the joy or happiness in the world was leaking away. Everything that was left felt twisted and deeply unsettlingly wrong. In this case, accompanied with stabbing pain in my neck, nausea, disorientation and then the blinding traditional head-ache of doom. I'm lucky I've only had one of those. Realising now as I look back how much a shift in my brain chemistry could affect me for twelve hours or so, makes me shake my head in disbelief. It sounds as though your main ways of getting through are using your intellect to understand what is happening to you, and will power. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Also, while in pain you still seem to recognise the value of those things - satisfaction, good work, love, kindness - if only intellectually, or you seem to know from experience that you'll feel them again. I'm sorry it hurts. I can barely imagine, really, how this must feel while it lasts. It'll probably bring you no pleasure right now, but store this up for when it does: if you can do the things that you know need to be done each day, and treat people with kindness while you yourself are feeling so utterly rotten, then you have every reason to feel proud of yourself. If you can't feel that for yourself right now, then I can feel it 'for' you until you can. :)
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Re: A subjective description of living in Hell.
Date: 2007-07-13 02:11 am (UTC)It sounds as though your main ways of getting through are using your intellect to understand what is happening to you, and will power. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Also, while in pain you still seem to recognise the value of those things - satisfaction, good work, love, kindness - if only intellectually, or you seem to know from experience that you'll feel them again.
I'm sorry it hurts. I can barely imagine, really, how this must feel while it lasts. It'll probably bring you no pleasure right now, but store this up for when it does: if you can do the things that you know need to be done each day, and treat people with kindness while you yourself are feeling so utterly rotten, then you have every reason to feel proud of yourself. If you can't feel that for yourself right now, then I can feel it 'for' you until you can. :)