Didn't think I'd let this pass uncommented on, did you? I can deeply empathise, both with the feeling of lost/suspended talents and the lack of time or energy to fulfill them- strangely enough, given my recent good fortune. A couple of things come to mind, in no particular order. 1)I'm the same with music. I gave up a pretty respectable musical talent about fourteen years ago for a combination of reasons that now seem both stupid and inevitable. Some of them were as simple as I couldn't live at home and go to uni when it took me 2 hours to get there, and I couldn't take my piano with my to my new house. Music aggravated a tendency in me to be harsh on myself, and elitist- therefore, I tend to feel that I've "forfeited" my talent. And worse still, I will never sit down to play while I feel this way about myself. Just stupid really. Beating myself up because I'm not going to be world class now, and denying myself a real pleasure. 2)Meagan Lindholm/Robin Hobb, that patron saint of new parents and struggling artists delivered a powerful kick in the pants to me at Continuum last year by saying that "you will never have any more time than you have now". What she did as a young mother of 21 was put a small amount of time aside each week to work on her writing. And she was very brave, and probably more than a little arrogant, and she kept going no matter how tired and worried she got. She, and an artist colleague at work is testimony to me that it is possible to pursue an art you love and work and have children. They both give me hope! That being said, you need to choose a time that's yours. Turn the tv off. Clear a space in your house (and I know that's at a premium right now) and have a look at something you'd like to do. Write down your ideas, even if they're stupid. It doesn't matter- you've begun. That's exactly what I do. It takes me about six months to write 6000 words of fiction at the moment, but I hope to get faster. 3)Any art is a craft. Perhaps your abilities as a teenager seemed greater to you back then partially because you were less discriminating, through less exposure. Perhaps it's harder to look at what you're doing now with the same pride and optimism, now you know you're not on an instant path to glory. but crafts are learnable, perfectable things, where it's okay to get it wrong, and try fixing your mistakes. Perhaps on your list could be a special class to attend that helps you with technical skills you need, or provides you with inspiration. This is the only way that I can approach writing that allows me to write. Otherwise I would see an impermeable barrier between myself and "real writers". Be humble, but not defeatist, if that makes sense. Take pleasure in just doing the thing. 4) Everyone who tries any art-form suffers from that feeling that your time is chopped into pieces. I hate it. But I have to support myself, and I have a foot-hold in a career that might oneday actually pay me, and that I love. I think it's worse when you're studying as well, personally, and I can imagine having kids would be a perpetual interruption. The only thing I can suggest is that you can't wait until "inspiration comes" and then start, especially when time management is such an issue for you. Instead you have to create a space for inspiration to live, both physically and inside you. Internally, the inspiration that i think you mean when you describe "flow" continues, breathing in and out whether you work on the project today or tomorrow. The best you can do is sit down and give yourself a space to try. Good luck. :)
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I can deeply empathise, both with the feeling of lost/suspended talents and the lack of time or energy to fulfill them- strangely enough, given my recent good fortune.
A couple of things come to mind, in no particular order.
1)I'm the same with music. I gave up a pretty respectable musical talent about fourteen years ago for a combination of reasons that now seem both stupid and inevitable. Some of them were as simple as I couldn't live at home and go to uni when it took me 2 hours to get there, and I couldn't take my piano with my to my new house. Music aggravated a tendency in me to be harsh on myself, and elitist- therefore, I tend to feel that I've "forfeited" my talent. And worse still, I will never sit down to play while I feel this way about myself. Just stupid really. Beating myself up because I'm not going to be world class now, and denying myself a real pleasure.
2)Meagan Lindholm/Robin Hobb, that patron saint of new parents and struggling artists delivered a powerful kick in the pants to me at Continuum last year by saying that "you will never have any more time than you have now". What she did as a young mother of 21 was put a small amount of time aside each week to work on her writing. And she was very brave, and probably more than a little arrogant, and she kept going no matter how tired and worried she got. She, and an artist colleague at work is testimony to me that it is possible to pursue an art you love and work and have children. They both give me hope! That being said, you need to choose a time that's yours. Turn the tv off. Clear a space in your house (and I know that's at a premium right now) and have a look at something you'd like to do. Write down your ideas, even if they're stupid. It doesn't matter- you've begun. That's exactly what I do. It takes me about six months to write 6000 words of fiction at the moment, but I hope to get faster.
3)Any art is a craft. Perhaps your abilities as a teenager seemed greater to you back then partially because you were less discriminating, through less exposure. Perhaps it's harder to look at what you're doing now with the same pride and optimism, now you know you're not on an instant path to glory. but crafts are learnable, perfectable things, where it's okay to get it wrong, and try fixing your mistakes. Perhaps on your list could be a special class to attend that helps you with technical skills you need, or provides you with inspiration. This is the only way that I can approach writing that allows me to write. Otherwise I would see an impermeable barrier between myself and "real writers". Be humble, but not defeatist, if that makes sense. Take pleasure in just doing the thing.
4) Everyone who tries any art-form suffers from that feeling that your time is chopped into pieces. I hate it. But I have to support myself, and I have a foot-hold in a career that might oneday actually pay me, and that I love. I think it's worse when you're studying as well, personally, and I can imagine having kids would be a perpetual interruption. The only thing I can suggest is that you can't wait until "inspiration comes" and then start, especially when time management is such an issue for you. Instead you have to create a space for inspiration to live, both physically and inside you. Internally, the inspiration that i think you mean when you describe "flow" continues, breathing in and out whether you work on the project today or tomorrow. The best you can do is sit down and give yourself a space to try.
Good luck. :)