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Robin Hood
May. 18th, 2010 10:38 pmOn Sunday, as part of Usuakari's birthday, Usu, Tooticky and I went off to see Robin Hood at the Lonny Cinema.
I was hoping for ... so much more than we got.
Don't get me wrong, there were some gems of scenes. The one which comes to mind first was when Robin needed Marian's help to pull the maille shirt from his body: a sight which will be excruciatingly familiar to anyone who has worn a maille shirt. And the armour was mostly quite good. William Marshall's ring mail was nicely done.
And yet, and yet...
As we were leaving the cinema, and on the drive back to Usu and Tooticky's house, and for a while before bed, we were talking about all the howlers we saw. And there were many of them. Usu focussed on the fighting and tactics, Tooticky on the history and context. I was struck by the calligraphy and heraldry.
For my part: there was, as far as I saw, exactly one piece of period-looking handwriting or other text in the whole movie. (If you're curious, it's on the map to the ship back to England.) All the rest ranged from a hundred years out of place (the open blackletter used for the opening exposition) through to something which wouldn't have looked out of place in the 18th century (the note sent by pigeon). Even taking into account that there were exactly two languages spoken: modern English and modern French.
The heraldry was... interesting. There was one scene where Robin and his men are riding out of London, and the banners by the gate... well, I don't know if they were a mistake or not. The banners were Gules, two leopards in pale Or. I don't know it this was a matter of ‘only having room for two lions’, or because they really did want to use the device of Normandy instead of England. And if the latter, whether that would in fact make it worse than simple ignorance.
Especially as an early scene has Richard Coeur-de-Lion talking with his main aide, in English (a language he didn't speak) about going home soon... to England (a country he couldn't stand and only visited when he had no choice).
His mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was presented as an English lady... with an English accent. Indeed, English was universally spoken in the English court. (Actually, the royal family were Norman, and spoke Norman French, as would the court.)
The climactic battle was... Yes. Usu was not convinced that anyone involved in the planning of said battle, on any side, had any idea what might have been involved in any actual fighting, at any period. The French were landing in WWII D-day landing boats with oars — no, seriously. Front loading D-day landing craft, rowed across the English Channel. Stop laughing — and landed at a beach with a cliff and one place to leave that beach. Think a cross between the landing scene in Troy, and Gallipoli. So when the English turn up, all mounted — all mounted, even the archers FFS — they line up along the top and split into two groups: archers and cavalry. No infantry at all, whatsoever. O—kay. And the archers line up along the cliff and rain pointy death from above, as they should have. What they should not have done was what they did next: stopped, allowed the cavalry to charge along the beach, then mounted up themselves to join the cavalry.
Gah! No! Not just wrong, but mind-bogglingly stupid!
Then the... well, it might be a spoiler to say who turns up then, but needless to say, it's stupid on many, many levels.
If you were expecting a Merry Men romp, then ignore the critics who are castigating this movie for not being that. Because it is. Robin Hood, Little John, Alan A'Dale, Will Scarlet, Friar Tuck and Maid Marian are all there. The doofus Sheriff of Nottingham, the sleazy and greedy King John, they're all there. Unperiod music, played unconvincingly while Robin and Marian dance a galliard (another thing several hundred years out of its place, looking confused and bewildered and wondering what happened), and everyone drinks mead (which no-one has heard of before Friar Tuck introduces them to it, because everyone was too busy drinking water...), it's all there.
What you will not find is any insight into the Norman/Saxon interrelationship, of the geo-politics of Europe, let alone of the crusades. It's simplistic, it's daft, and you can tell who the king is, 'cause he's not covered in shit.
*sigh*
And I had such hopes.
I was hoping for ... so much more than we got.
Don't get me wrong, there were some gems of scenes. The one which comes to mind first was when Robin needed Marian's help to pull the maille shirt from his body: a sight which will be excruciatingly familiar to anyone who has worn a maille shirt. And the armour was mostly quite good. William Marshall's ring mail was nicely done.
And yet, and yet...
As we were leaving the cinema, and on the drive back to Usu and Tooticky's house, and for a while before bed, we were talking about all the howlers we saw. And there were many of them. Usu focussed on the fighting and tactics, Tooticky on the history and context. I was struck by the calligraphy and heraldry.
For my part: there was, as far as I saw, exactly one piece of period-looking handwriting or other text in the whole movie. (If you're curious, it's on the map to the ship back to England.) All the rest ranged from a hundred years out of place (the open blackletter used for the opening exposition) through to something which wouldn't have looked out of place in the 18th century (the note sent by pigeon). Even taking into account that there were exactly two languages spoken: modern English and modern French.
The heraldry was... interesting. There was one scene where Robin and his men are riding out of London, and the banners by the gate... well, I don't know if they were a mistake or not. The banners were Gules, two leopards in pale Or. I don't know it this was a matter of ‘only having room for two lions’, or because they really did want to use the device of Normandy instead of England. And if the latter, whether that would in fact make it worse than simple ignorance.
Especially as an early scene has Richard Coeur-de-Lion talking with his main aide, in English (a language he didn't speak) about going home soon... to England (a country he couldn't stand and only visited when he had no choice).
His mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was presented as an English lady... with an English accent. Indeed, English was universally spoken in the English court. (Actually, the royal family were Norman, and spoke Norman French, as would the court.)
The climactic battle was... Yes. Usu was not convinced that anyone involved in the planning of said battle, on any side, had any idea what might have been involved in any actual fighting, at any period. The French were landing in WWII D-day landing boats with oars — no, seriously. Front loading D-day landing craft, rowed across the English Channel. Stop laughing — and landed at a beach with a cliff and one place to leave that beach. Think a cross between the landing scene in Troy, and Gallipoli. So when the English turn up, all mounted — all mounted, even the archers FFS — they line up along the top and split into two groups: archers and cavalry. No infantry at all, whatsoever. O—kay. And the archers line up along the cliff and rain pointy death from above, as they should have. What they should not have done was what they did next: stopped, allowed the cavalry to charge along the beach, then mounted up themselves to join the cavalry.
Gah! No! Not just wrong, but mind-bogglingly stupid!
Then the... well, it might be a spoiler to say who turns up then, but needless to say, it's stupid on many, many levels.
If you were expecting a Merry Men romp, then ignore the critics who are castigating this movie for not being that. Because it is. Robin Hood, Little John, Alan A'Dale, Will Scarlet, Friar Tuck and Maid Marian are all there. The doofus Sheriff of Nottingham, the sleazy and greedy King John, they're all there. Unperiod music, played unconvincingly while Robin and Marian dance a galliard (another thing several hundred years out of its place, looking confused and bewildered and wondering what happened), and everyone drinks mead (which no-one has heard of before Friar Tuck introduces them to it, because everyone was too busy drinking water...), it's all there.
What you will not find is any insight into the Norman/Saxon interrelationship, of the geo-politics of Europe, let alone of the crusades. It's simplistic, it's daft, and you can tell who the king is, 'cause he's not covered in shit.
*sigh*
And I had such hopes.