I love music, especially Bach. And if that's all I can hear, I happily get lost in the interplaying voices of a toccata. I think Pergolesi's Stabat Mater is the best piece of music written for voice ever, narrowly beating out Spem in alium.
But two conversations at the same time breaks my brain. I can't hear either one over the other unless I really concentrate, and if there's background noise, or there are three or more conversations going on, forget it. But it's worse than that: there are still words in there, and my brain can't stop trying to extract meaning from it. But it can't, it simply doesn't have the capacity. There's not enough structure to grasp. It's like compulsively trying to lift a weight that's too heavy. Not only does it not work; if you only exhaust yourself in the attempt, think yourself lucky. This is where I usually withdraw in an attempt to lock out the chaos, close out the inputs until there's enough to deal with. Sometimes I have to stick my fingers in my ears until I get myself together.
Before I even knew that it was another symptom of AS, I knew myself to be Demophobic. I hate crowds. Chadstone is Hell. It's not the presence of people per se, it's the unpredictable, milling mass. They're everywhere, they're always moving, there's action in every part of my field of view, and worse, they're coming up behind me, bumping into me, I'm in their way, they magically appear next to me, ... I get the powerful urge to just freak out and flee.
I don't always mind parties, especially if I know enough people there, but even then there are times when I just need to find somewhere dark and quiet and lonely for a while. And that's not even taking into account that conversation is hard, it takes effort in its own right, and most small-talk makes little sense anyway. Unless the subject is a perseverance of mine, in which case you will have difficulty shutting me up.
I think describing the Aspie experience has become a perseverance for me... let me know when I've said too much.
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Date: 2010-11-05 09:36 pm (UTC)I love music, especially Bach. And if that's all I can hear, I happily get lost in the interplaying voices of a toccata. I think Pergolesi's Stabat Mater is the best piece of music written for voice ever, narrowly beating out Spem in alium.
But two conversations at the same time breaks my brain. I can't hear either one over the other unless I really concentrate, and if there's background noise, or there are three or more conversations going on, forget it. But it's worse than that: there are still words in there, and my brain can't stop trying to extract meaning from it. But it can't, it simply doesn't have the capacity. There's not enough structure to grasp. It's like compulsively trying to lift a weight that's too heavy. Not only does it not work; if you only exhaust yourself in the attempt, think yourself lucky. This is where I usually withdraw in an attempt to lock out the chaos, close out the inputs until there's enough to deal with. Sometimes I have to stick my fingers in my ears until I get myself together.
Before I even knew that it was another symptom of AS, I knew myself to be Demophobic. I hate crowds. Chadstone is Hell. It's not the presence of people per se, it's the unpredictable, milling mass. They're everywhere, they're always moving, there's action in every part of my field of view, and worse, they're coming up behind me, bumping into me, I'm in their way, they magically appear next to me, ... I get the powerful urge to just freak out and flee.
I don't always mind parties, especially if I know enough people there, but even then there are times when I just need to find somewhere dark and quiet and lonely for a while. And that's not even taking into account that conversation is hard, it takes effort in its own right, and most small-talk makes little sense anyway. Unless the subject is a perseverance of mine, in which case you will have difficulty shutting me up.
I think describing the Aspie experience has become a perseverance for me... let me know when I've said too much.